This picture was taken from my balcony..
A while back, I had a big ass decision to make.
I thought about it.. very long and hard.. and I finally said, I’m going to go with the most periculoso decision.. and I did just that… And I wondered while I traveled with all my clothes and my dog over 7800 miles away from my home (which felt no longer like home).
The safest choice was to stay where I was, and keep killing myself slowly while I went to work everyday and kept living in a pattern and environment which made me physically, emotionally sick and mentally exhausted.
my second choice was go back to new york with my uncle, that is the choice my family wanted me to make… and part of me wanted to make that choice too…. but, something else kept telling me no.
and my third choice and dream of my whole life was to transfer to Italy… So I applied and was waiting for all my documents to come through, and started to get discouraged waiting for everything.. and After about 6 weeks of waiting, I had decided that If I didn’t get the documents from the consulate, that I would in fact move back to New York City.
And last minute after I had the plane ticket already purchased and going through with life everyday with a blindfold on….. I received all my paperwork.. and I took the plunge…
And here I am, Actually doing great, that’s something I haven’t been able to say in a really long time..
Every once in a while I think, did I make the right decision.. and then immediately think.. wow I wish I had a sign from the universe..
Everyone had told me I was crazy or courageous you pick it.. people said it.. and I know my family wanted me to stay there, but, I left… and here I am alone in this foreign country, where I didn’t even know the language when I came here… and I’m making it work, and making friends and fitting into this little community here… I was finally settled and feeling good…
………..Then the answer from the universe came…. I was doing a 14km trek on my bike one Monday night.. and I received a phone call from my father and he asked me where I was.. and I was just getting back on my bike to go home (about 6km), I had made an aperitivo at a place I had never been….. and My father called to tell me that my uncle in new york was dead…. I will say I was immediately in shock. I had just talked to him Saturday… so I spoke with my dad for a bit… and then I said ok.. I’m going to ride my bike home now… and then began to pedal my way back home… Gemma kept poking me in the back with her nose, and I kept reaching back and petting her.. but, I made it back to the pista ciclable and exited near a bar that is proprio next to my house.. and I stopped in for a drink.. because I felt like I needed one… and told the family that owns the bar what had just happened… and I was ok… they were all really wondering about me and my mental state I think because I was ok…. So I paid my tab and Gemma and I went home, parked my bike.. went to my apartment and took a shower.. and then it hit me… I guess that old adage is true “water cleanses you know”. yeah it cleansed me of my shock and I t-totally fell apart. he was like a second father to me. he taught me how to make bread, pizza, candied bacon… cooking, I can’t even explain it all…. I am the chef I am today because of him..
So I decided Not to go to school the next day… and I decided that I could hold it together enough to go out for breakfast and cafe.. And when I descended the stairs from my apartment my neighbour opened her door and invited me in for coffee and some torte… So I did, and she hugged me and explained to me that when people leave this earth before their time, they become angels and that he would now be looking over me… and I started to cry so hard… and she cried, and we ate some torte and had moka cafe and then she told me to go get some fresh air… and so I started off back down the stairs and the elderly lady that lives downstairs stopped me and invited me in… and she said she was really sorry for what happened… and if I needed anything to let her know… (she’s 95). I talk to her everyday, and everyday I come home from school I check in on her.. and she still cooks amazingly… and she’s originally from Calabria… so we also cried… and then I finally made it out of he house and Gemma did her business and I went down to the bar/restaurant.. and got some more coffee… and everyone that lives in this community stopped by to express how sorry they were… and it was genuine… veramente genuine…. I’ve never had people like this in my life.. I mean my parents and brother yes… but, not other people.. This community has become my family here…
I even had people tell me they would go back to America with me so i wasn’t alone on the journey….
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| this is the most beautiful place in the world.. |
So, to make a log story short. If I would have went to new york and not come here.. I would have been in another mess and having to make another move..
So, I took this as affirmation from the universe… My uncle had a cardiovascular event.. and it was going to happen no matter what…
I have learned something else here… compassion…
I’ve never seen it like this before, and maybe I was just mixed up with the wrong people in the south but, people don’t have to be assholes all the time. I see that I was around mostly people out to get what they could get out of me, I feel like people were my friends just for what they could get out of me and that was that.. no one really gave a rats ass about anything. I saw that when my so called friends turned their backs on me when I decided to leave my ex. Funny how people are real quick to tell you someone isn’t treating your right or they aren’t acting right.. but, when you say enough is enough and decide to leave, they take the other side…
People here are just different…. like the way things used to be.. still care about people, still stop and help if someone needs help….
or for example… it’s cherry season here… and there are cherries galore on the trees..
and fresh vegetables are coming around.. it’s great..
but, I was riding my bike yesterday and passed this….
this says free cherries..
who does that shit? I’ve never seen it before, but it is super nice..
on another note… I need a diet… ahaha I feel “gonfio”.. I don’t want a diet.. but, I think I at least need to start working out again.. ahahah.
so that is all… it’s been a hard few weeks, but also a beautiful couple of weeks..