At 2 a.m. the bell hop fella called us to tell us to put our bags outside and that he was going to come get them and for us to be downstairs in the lobby by 2:30 so our chauffeur could take us to the airport..
we got our bags together and put them outside.. the fella came and got them and we started downstairs to the lobby… we were both pretty quiet because we were tired…
2:45 we get in a van… and were doing about 120km/h on our way to Montego Bay.. we passed street parties that looked interesting and arrived at the airport by 4am… to find out that the American Airlines people don’t get there until around 5.. and our plane left at 6:30am….
we sat in the airport on these chairs waiting for the Airline to open up.. and we checked in and got our customs forms.. then I found out I couldn’t bring the sauces that I had bought on the plane with me.. I had to check them.. I reckon they figured I might throw some jerk sauce on someone and try to eat them…. retards… so I packed them in Sharyl’s bag…
The lady at customs asked if we had a good time.. we said yeah, and she said come back and see us… so we said we were already planning on it.. and made way to the gate…
our plane leaves Montego Bay and lands in Miami… before we got two steps out of the gate there were homeland security people waiting for us… they wanted our customs forms and passports… so the guy gets us and asks where we stayed… we told him Sandals.. then he asked how we knew each other because we lived in different states… I’m back there rolling my eyes… I mean seriously…
So I said Rodeo and Sharyl said we shoot together.. which lead to a long discussion about our mounted shooting… he let us go and off to “passport control” we went… I told Sharyl.. just say rodeo and NOT to mention anything about guns and ammo… lol..
we get to some other check in place with lines… and sharyl got questioned first… then I got questioned.. the guy said your not from florida.. I explained that I lived in South Carolina… then he asked if I was married.. I said yeah, then he asked where the husbands were.. and I said on a motorcycle tour of southern Florida.. and he asked if I had one.. and I told him about my sportster.. so after a random barrage of questions he stamped my papers and sent me off with another slip to baggage claim..
where we were sniffed out by the beagle drug dogs.. they were adorable.. and apparently you are not supposed to call them Snoopy and pet them… then the dogs smelled something in this ladies bag.. so they grabbed her and her bag and started ripping things out of it.. so we just kept moving right along.. you know me and my dangerous jerk sauces I was smuggling…
once Sharyl got her bag… we went through another security point.. and this is where the story begins.. I walked up to the counter with Sharyl and the guy yelled at me and told me to go stand behind the line.. Sharyl is making faces and answering questions.. but, I couldn’t hear what he was a saying… finally after like 5 minutes he was done and it was my turn.. so He motions to me to come over there.. I handed him my passport and papers.. and he says “where did you go”, I answered “jamaica” then he asked how long I stayed.. I told him like 3 days… then he asked why I packed so light… and that was odd to me because my carryon bag was freaking heavy… so I said.. I didn’t pack light.. and explained I marinated on the beach.. so I bought 1 pair of flip flops and like 4 bathing suits and some coverup dresses and the clothes I was wearing and he said and you didn’t fit it all in that bag… then it dawned on me that he failed to notice the big duffle bag that was around my back.. so I turned and showed it to him.. and he got pissy with me.. and read through everything that I declared and asked me where the Cigars were.. and I said in my purse.. then he asked about the “souvenir junk” ( I literally put down souvenir junk on the declaration form) and I explained I bought beaded necklaces, a shot glass, key chain etc… then he was just staring at me and asked what I did for a living.. I told him I was a doctor and he asked where my husband was.. and I told him this was a girls weekend and they were having a boys weekend in the keys… then he asked about my spices and sauces.. I said.. Oh! I bought some jerk seasonings and sauces.. have you ever tried that.. it’s great.. and he said let me see them.. I said.. well the sauces are in Sharyl’s bag…… and holy my goodness you would have thought that I had a kilo of cocaine! this guy proceeded to chew me out about not keeping my stuff in my possession and how much trouble I could get into and went on and on and on…. and I explained what happened at the check in, in Jamaica.. and explained that he should be giving a foreigner with a US Citizen passport a hard time.. not a hard working whitebred american girl… and that was that… I left customs in a bad freaking mood…
we checked back through a security check point and made our way to the gate where our connecting flight left out of…. well……………………… So now i’m sleep deprived, tired, hungry, thirst and in a bad mood…. Sharyl and I go to TGIF at the gate.. and sat down.. the table was sticky, noisy the waiter was a retard.. so we left.. and went to Nathan’s.. I haven’t had a nathan’s hot dog since I left New York…
So I got me a Kraut dog and we headed back to the gate to wait on the plane….
well the only seats were ones left next to a flight crew… and I’m sitting there enjoying my lips and asssholes hot dog.. and this dumb blonde flight attendant.. says “OH MY GOD y’all are eating hot dogs” I looked at her like wtf… and she said.. I just love seeing women enjoying junk food…
then I got to listen to her talk about her grass fed beef cows on her 5 acre farm and her free range organic chickens.. and I went to say something and Sharyl grabbed me… and I sat there quietly.. until a foreigner with screaming children sat in front of us and I explained they were birth control poster children.. and they got up and moved.. then we get on the plane.. and who is the flight crew? you guessed it.. the retards from the waiting area… so blondie.. gets all excited and says “THE HOT DOG GIRLS” I looked at her and told her to never speak to me again and if she had something intelligent to say, then say it.. but keep her retarded comments to herself….
I was also pmsing…